I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
