It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
