'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
