I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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