No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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