shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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