Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
