If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
