So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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