I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
