Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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