Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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