Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
