Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
