My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
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