dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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