Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
