I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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