Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
