just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
