he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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