pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Randomize
