wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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