Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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