it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
