please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
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