she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
