She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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