I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
