So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
