on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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