Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
