my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
You can't just leave with hair like that
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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