I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
