Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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