You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
someone owes me an orgasm
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
