yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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