Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
