I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
