i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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