just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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