remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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