You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
