Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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