It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
