I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
