oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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