I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
