My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
