Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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