I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Randomize
