if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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