You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
