did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i need some magic done to my vagina
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Randomize
